I had a dream, a long time ago.

Tonight is a very sad night for me.  I heard through an old school friend that another old school friend I was looking for was on facebook, so I looked her up.  And got a bit of a shock… 

 

My friend’s name is Tamara (Thelander) Carr and at high school in Parow we played in the band together (band geek, me!).  We loved it and had lots of fun, especially since we were the only 2 of our grade class to be in the band and therefore RULED when we were in Gr 12.  We also did the school paper, the girls drill platoon (the only 2 Gr 11’s amongst the Gr 12’s), a high school writing course and high school drama together, as well as sang together in an a-capella group for our Miss Parow High 1995 pageant.  Though we both had our own circle of friends, we had a connection.  It was also this connection that made Tamara take on the WHOLE Gr12 class when they accused me of choosing the (old fashioned, but well thought out) song that they hated and that we had to sing to the school as a good-bye, just because I took music!  She blasted all over them one break-time, after having called them all to the gymnasium for a meeting.  She was the deputy head-girl, so she was used to leading, I guess…  It was a pity I missed it though… I had a music lesson!  My group of friends were quick to come running after the break to tell me what happened and I was so humbled by her standing up for me.  

 

Even though Tamara and I did a dramatic piece together (that we had done with great success before) as our Gr 12 entry to the Eisteddfod, I never in a million years would have thought that this was something that she would consider as a career!  She was smart and got high marks and went to study public relations (I think) after school.  But here I sit, reading her profile on Facebook…  and all I can think is that she’s living my dream!  She moved to America in 2004 and pursued acting (especially stage) seriously, after having been on stage in South Africa.  And I never even knew!  I still thought she was a river guide and married…

 

I’ve always wanted to go study drama, ever since I was small and did Eisteddfod after Eisteddfod, school stage production after school stage production (mostly the lead, mind you!).  I loved it!  Every minute of rehearsal and learning lines and more rehearsal – it was in my blood!  I couldn’t wait to finish school so that I could go study my dream.  I wanted to eventually become a director, not of movies but of STAGE PRODUCTIONS!  Oh the lights! The costumes!  The make-up!  The butterflies in your stomach as you’re about to go on stage… and then you go on and all is forgotten as you become your character for that hour or two.  But sadly for me, it wasn’t to be… Some time during my last two years of primary school, my parents went bankrupt and I had to leave my friends and life in Brackenfell (which I loved so much) and moved to Parow.  My mother is a teacher and thanks to her securing a post there, we were able to start building our lives from scratch again.  So I made new, wonderful friends (though never forgetting the old ones) and packed my dream in a deep, dark corner of my heart.   Money for study there wouldn’t be and I had to make peace with that. 

 

As a substitute for study, I became involved with a Passion Play production the year after I had finished high school.  Once again I loved it… I acted and sang in it the first year, but was asked soon after to become the Musical Director for the production, which I did for 6 years.  It was wonderful to be involved in a production of that scale – everything I dreamed it could be.  During this time however, I met and married my wonderful husband.   We wanted to start a family and realised that we couldn’t do the production and the family, so we quit.  Rather sad really…  Not that I would change my life now in any way… well maybe a few things could be better... like my weight…  ANYWAY… I now concentrate on my writing, as I don’t need a degree to tell people what is in my heart!  I even wrote a few Christian plays that I would love to get the chance to direct.  I just don’t know when or where this will happen, but I’m hoping I will get the chance!  I’m rather proud of these plays and would love to see them on stage some day.  I even have an idea for a book, hahaha…  Whether it will ever get written is a whole other story…

 

Please excuse me if I sound a bit down and not my usual, perky self…  It’s still hard for me to be reminded of this buried dream, especially because I KNOW I have the talent and I could have been great.  But then again, right now I would be happy just to direct something small, just to still be a part of that dream.  So, um, anybody out there looking for a great Christian play that comes with a director attached?  Let me know!  But until then, here’s hoping that Tamara at least gets a chance to become the star she dreams of being.  She’s a wonderful person and I have high hopes for her!  And I’ll be her number one fan… 

 

Have a good weekend, my friends.  Be Blessed!